April 19, 2018
A Yoga Journey Can Improve Your Life
Speaking Freely, is Freeing
I had an entirely different blog planned out, and actually completed. Then I realized, this was more.
I have two chronic illnesses, PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) which is a hormonal imbalance of epic proportions that screws up your endocrine system so much, it takes years, if ever, to begin to balance this out.
The second chronic illness is Fibromyalgia. It is real. It is painful. Sometimes your entire body is on fire, other days your arms and legs feel like they weigh thousands of pounds, you simply cannot move. The only way to combat this illness is to move your body more and more, because once you stop, and let the pain take over, it’s much harder to start again.
I guess I could say I have a third illness; yes, I do, it’s an eating disorder. With my increased stress levels, my body immediately shuts down. When I feel out of control, food becomes the enemy. Now I recognize the signs, but it doesn’t always help. I have been forcing myself to just remember to eat. I know this is not healthy weight loss. I feel weak. I’m now eating a little more, but I’ve chosen to eat intuitively. I’m healing my mind, body and spirit, by listening to my body’s nutritional needs. My yoga practice is now necessary, and it’s grown, along with me.
I’m not sure where the PCOS came from, but it’s there, and I manage it. I did try to go a more holistic route, which helped a lot of the weight loss. I’m 5’1” and at my largest I was a size 10, almost all fat. Pilates, Yoga, Aerial Arts, and an Ayurvedic diet have worked miracles for me, along with an IUD. Yes, modern medicine worked alongside my Holistic remedies and I feel more balanced hormonally.
My hypothesis for my Fibromyalgia is, it came from my stress, anxiety, and eating disorders throughout the years. I abused my body and it’s fighting back, harshly. From living my life according to things I had no control over, but trying to maintain control over every aspect, short circuited some part of me; to where I feel this intense pain that seemingly comes out of nowhere. But I’m winning in the most healthy way possible. An Ayurvedic/ Yoga Lifestyle, where I never stop moving, never stop learning and never stop, at all, ever.
The practice of yoga, and incorporating Ayurveda into my life to begin to balance it, has broken me apart, and rid me of many past f***edup experiences still holding me back. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned, is that only I have the power to hold me back.
Other people can try to hold you back, plant self doubt within you, but they only stick around if you continue to allow them to hold power over you. Speak up, speak out, speak loud. Believe in your intuition, follow your gut, and never second guess your instincts. In every truth is a little untruth, and vice versa, but the core of the situation, always remains the same. Don’t lose focus of that.
As many people have learned about me in the last few months, I’m really a decent person, but if you come at me with force, I become a 5 foot bulldozer. I’ve always had to handle myself in such a manner, mostly dealing with men, who would paint me out to be, (insert misogynistic mansplination bs here), even though I am fully qualified for the position I hold in life. Before I hear any ‘man bashing’ statements, let’s remember, the fight still isn’t over for us women. The fight won’t be over for any marginalized group, until there is no longer opposition.
I tell my yoga students, “Stand Tall Like a Mountain”. Stand Tall In Truth. I feel I’ve proven I have the internal power to do that, I’m here to teach you all to stand up against any force against you, especially if that force is yourself.
If you find yourself lost, turn to yoga, commit to it, let it guide you, let it teach you. The Bhagavad Gita describes yoga as, “The Journey of the Self, Through the Self and To the Self.”
Remember that you are always learning and always changing, but you remain the same always, on your yoga mat. Always strive to go a little deeper within yourself. We yogis always hear the phrase “keep your mat practice with all day”, I interpret this as, keep your center, stay grounded and steady, keep breathing through the difficult moments. The true lesson is, believe in yourself more than anyone else. Begin yoga, or begin yoga all over again, this time, with the best intention yet; a better you.