advice · Mind Body Spirit · progressive · Wellness

The Mind is Mightier than Any Weapon

 

How to Work Smarter, Not Harder


We all run into situations that knock the life out of us. Things we get so emotionally involved with, that we don’t realize we have all the tools we need to take back our power. Over the years, I’ve had my share of intense situations, and lately, I’ve received one hit after another. Patience, meditation and analyzation have been my key tools to taking my power back. Speaking my mind has helped me take my power back.

When I was a kid, I was smart and loud. I was constantly told to lower my voice. I felt it stifled me, and as a result I suffered with constant swollen glands a Strep Throat. In the last few years, as I’m creeping deeper into my 40’s, I’ve learned to quickly drop what no longer serves me, in any manner necessary to get that energy out of my personal space.

Two years ago I began a Spiritual Purge. My life was becoming toxic with stress. I couldn’t function, and didn’t want to leave the house. I began meditating and was given the message to begin a Spiritual Purge. This is not an easy process, as you are hit with lifetimes of Karma all at once. I had already survived a nasty divorce and prior to that a sexual assault, so I thought, this won’t be too bad. I was wrong. I was sick for 2 years, and was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). You could see my sickness in my skin, and I had little to no energy. Once that battle was managed, the real attacks came in. I was fired from a job, after I’d already resigned. I was slandered, almost sued, but I proved my case with the truth. There are other battles going on behind the scenes, and I want to stop and hide, but that’s not helpful. I keep going, because I have to keep going. You can fix your life, if you face it. 

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Here are my Tools for Coping:

  1. Get Angry. Release, Yell, Scream, Fight, get the emotion out as fiercely and quickly as possible. Hold nothing back. When you feel completely purged, pull yourself together and use your mind.
  2. Educate yourself. Learn all you can about the situation you are in, so you can find ways to help yourself. Don’t listen to anything other than your own mind, and if you run into a wall, ask someone you can trust to be impartial to help you figure out the next step.
  3. Make Lists. Pros and Cons of the choices you have in front of you and detail every situation you think can happen. Then rule out the impossible scenarios and work with logic.
  4. Meditate on the situation and listen to the information that come to you. Write it down. If it’s a message you don’t fully understand yet, keep an eye out for signs that will help lead you in the right direction.
  5. Take Care of You. Don’t forget to eat well, drink enough water and try to get rest. I tend to not eat or sleep and run on pure adrenaline when something affects me negatively.
  6. Fight Fire With Water. That’s right, fighting fire with fire never works, you must strategize and fight fire with water, in order to extinguish the negativity from your life.
  7. Keep Doing Good. At my lowest points, during meditation, the only message I received was “Keep Doing Good”, so I did. Negativity creates anger and chaos, and it is a vicious cycle that is difficult to get out of. Go out and do something good after a traumatic event. It is very healing for the Spirit.
  8. Dress to Impress. Make sure you feel confident, especially on the darkest days.
  9. Maintain a lighthearted attitude. Count your blessings and show your gratefulness to those blessings for helping bring you out of the darkness.
  10. Music. Whether you play an instrument, sing or just listen, use music as a tool to restore the mind, body & spirit.

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advice · aerial yoga · Mind Body Spirit · progressive · Wellness · Yoga

Ask Roe About Life Blog

Buddha

September 6, 2018

Turning Things Around

Ending Bad Situations by Manifesting The Truth

Reality is not an illusion, but the illusion of reality is real.
What do I mean by this?
What we surround ourselves with, becomes our reality. Reality and truth, in turn, can only be truly judged, when not only our 5 senses are active, but more importantly, our sixth sense.
The Truth can only be gauged by how many senses become awakened when presented with a specific situation.


Our 5 Senses:

Sight

Touch

Taste

Smell

Sound

Our 6th Sense:
Intuition


If you only rely on television and limited resources for your information you are only using two senses, sight and sound; that’s not much of an experience. You need to delve further into the situation to use as many senses as possible to get a better hold on information. Only then can you truly judge the situation. Everything is hearsay until you can fully experience with all five, and for some of us, all six senses. Look hard for the truth, it’s often hidden under a pack of lies.

Choosing your Path

How do you know which path to choose? Often times we don’t know, we just blindly go forward trusting nothing and everything and taking things as they come, good or bad. Sometimes we feel the right path, through our intuition, and still, situations may be difficult. Sometimes our intuition is correct, and the choices we made have clearly resolved the situation for the better. These are subconscious choices, choices we often have no control over.

Anger

Why it is necessary sometimes.
That sounds ridiculous, but as I’ve often said, you can’t turn the other cheek, because the other cheek gets slapped, and you can’t fight fire with fire, it just creates more chaos. You fight fire with water, and put it out.
This is where the anger everyone tells you to “ let go” should be released. Throw something, yell, cry, call the person you’re pissed at and tell them what you think RELEASE IT ALL, and move on. There is no shame in calling out a toxic person who is hurting you. In fact, that’s how you take away their power, you extinguish it with the truth. This is when the choice of anger comes from self love, and the instinct to protect oneself and those you love. This is good anger, this is necessary anger, this is Shiva Kali Power. The Destroyers. They destroy the bad to let the good in.
For those of us who have this purpose in life, to bring out the worst in people, it is to destroy the bad, and make way for the good. Read the story of Kali FromTemple Purohit, here.
You will see the good and bad and why we need people around us in bad times to help balance us out, stand up with us and have our back. Raw anger is one of our purest forms, it’s just as pure as our divinity. The difference is a very fine line, and depends on how much control we are able to hold on to in the face of anger, especially coming from a place of abuse, or destruction. It needs to end. Abuse and destruction are more like a downward spiral made of chains. When you feel you can’t get out of the cycle, the chains grow stronger and take you down further. You have to completely sever a link, in order to get out of the cycle.
Anger comes from being pushed to far. The Buddha states, “holding on to anger is like holding a hot coal and expecting the other person to get burned.” Do not let the anger go blindly, if you do, you will send angry vibrations out into the world to create chaos. Focus the anger, and release, properly, it with as much force as it came at you. This may sound harsh, but if you re looking to break a link on the chain of destruction, it’s a necessity.

Happiness

Happiness is not a choice, but a reward.
We all would like to choose happiness, but we can’t. It’s actually out of our control much of the time. If we simplify our lives, stay away from social media, news, politics, religion and other people we are usually at peace. We find some peace doing the things we love, whether it be reading, yoga, painting, listening to or playing music, riding a motorcycle, or cooking a meal, we all have our active meditations, designed to bring us to a happier state, but true happiness is a reward. True happiness comes from extreme self love and self confidence. If you choose to love yourself enough, and are confident in your worth, you can end your bad situations and emerge renewed, released and rewarded with happiness. This is a conscious choice we do have control over.Cut toxic people out of your life. Cut toxic habits out of your life. Speak up, speak out, speak loud! Happiness only eludes us as long as we let it.

Stand Up For Something, Even if it Means Sacrificing Everything – Colin Kaepernick.

Noticing the Signs

The signs are all around us and we never fully take notice of them. Actually, I think we only notice the bad signs, because we are so programmed to gear our thoughts toward negativity.

Our job is to notice the signs, both good and bad.

Our goal do our best to turn the bad signs into positive situations.

Our self love helps us begin to notice the good signs, or count our blessings, as so many say, and begin to manifest the truth of what we need to exist, and it is different for everyone.

My job is not to point out the good signs to you, if I did that, or more to the point, when I have to do that, you learn nothing.

Notice the Signs in your life and use this advice to turn things around for the better, by investing in the most important person you know, yourself.

Keep Loving You

XOXO

Mind Body Spirit · progressive

It Should Have Ended with Columbine

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Ask Roe
Redefine Wellness

February 22, 2018

It Should Have Ended with Columbine

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The Word Columbine Still Strikes Fear in my Heart.

American Horror Story, Murder House. The episode where Tate Langdon is killed because he went on a shooting spree at his high school, in 1994 (the year I graduated). He took the lives of 15  students who can come back and confront him on Halloween. We later find out he’s as well as the students are spirits who can interact with living people on specific days, or in the murder house.

My immediate thought was Columbine. My thought is always Columbine, because it happened four years after I graduated high school, and only one year after my sister graduated.  As an optimistic kid, I thought the adults would take care of it, but it happened again and again, and again: until finally it happened to five and six year olds.

This has to be the end, I told myself. I was still that optimistic truting kid. Then the mass shooting at Pulse, The Vegas Shooting, now Parkland. Within months. And it’s taking children to raise their voices,  to really get people to listen, where previous generations (mine included) have failed.

Generation X –  The generation best known for Friends, Will and Grace, and Boy Meets World.  Friends. I’ve heard the show described as “mean”, but I can say that it mimics my friendships I cherish from childhood. I often describe my college days as a lot like the movie, Reality Bites. The days where a 32oz. Big Gulp of Diet Coke, a Marlboro Light and a Snickers Bar was considered lunch. I  absolutely miss those days. I am eternally grateful those things were a part of my life.

As for Friends, one of my all time favorites. I’ve seen Ross described as a homophobe, but coming out was becoming more common, and so was more homophobia.  Friends brilliantly had Ross married to a lesbian, and have a child together. He now needs to deal with being a divorced father of a boy with 2 moms. It was 1994. It made many people uncomfortable, but dealing with the issue through comedy, was a great way to send a message. Remember, Ross walked Carol (his ex-wife) down the aisle in her commitment ceremony to Susan, when Carol’s parents refused to show up.  Ellen DeGeneres came out on TV. So did many beloved TV characters. Now we have out and proud leading actors, in Television, Film and Stage. The world is truly changing. My childhood was filled with fears of being near AIDS patients;  we grew, we educated ourselves, we know that information is false.

Look at Gen-X as the generation that outwardly began to accept and tackle issues that 10 years earlier were completely taboo. We have definitely helped pave the way. Now is the time to work together. We want to help finish the fight. I know I do.

I’ve read, that there is going to be a student walk out, on April 20th, the anniversary of the Columbine Shooting. I hope this walk out is true, and I want every student to know that I am on your side, and so excited to see a new generation pick up where we left off. Look to us for guidance. You may have the social media skills, but we have the wisdom, because we’ve been dealing with this for more than 3 decades. Find your teachers. Arm yourself with knowledge, because knowledge is power.

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Mind Body Spirit · progressive · resist

Assault of the Mind Body Spirit

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Lessons and Blessings

February 5, 2018 (my 42nd birthday)

Life’s Purpose Revealed

Assault of the Mind Body Spirit

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I struggled with what to write. I wanted to add my original, horrible story to the Me Too Campaign which made me remember 50 more incidents that I would absolutely classify as sexual assault. I’ve said it, and so did a friend, the 80’s and 90’s were a nightmare.

My reasons for holding off  were simply embarrassment and shame. With each little inappropriate touch you hate yourself more and see yourself less.

The following is my official police statement from an incident that occurred at Sanford/Orlando International airport. It gave me a wicked PTSD panic attack. The officer working with me, initially had verified my story via camera footage. He stated the assault was “very clear”.

This morning his Captain called and tried to say nothing inappropriate happened because I had an “anomaly” in my pelvic area (my pocket). I was wearing yoga pants with no pockets. The woman put her hands only on my vagina. Absolutely no protocol was followed. She crouched down and touched me, while the male agent had his back turned.

I’ve been asked a few times before to stand on that little mat, and hold out my arms, while at least one other agent was watching. This did not happen, I wasn’t asked to do that, only my vagina was touched.

The Police Captain was not helpful at first, but stuttering by the end of my speech. I schooled this Captain on rape, assault, the Me Too Campaign and why we need more allies, not bureaucracy. I am sickened by his response, and have emailed The Sanford Herald, and cc’d the Sanford PD so they see I won’t back down. I’ve also left a message for Gloria Allred. I was told by the police captain that since her hands were “only on my vagina for 3-5 seconds” it won’t be considered assault  THAT’S THE EXCUSE!!!! It’s appalling. As if she beat the clock, and won. No, not on my body.

When I was able to speak to the TSA training supervisor, she assured me that was SOP, but needed to review the tapes, that I hope don’t go missing. I told her, under no circumstances is this OK. IT IS ASSAULT. I feel it is my mission to see this through to the end, and help STOP ABUSE OF POWER.

The police captain also changed his story, after a tweet calling him out on what he said. He called back to say he didn’t mean in that way, he meant that he had the footage reviewed and archived with a perfect screenshot showing the assault lasted 3-5 seconds. Spin it anyway you want; it’s a lie captain, it’s a lie,

We women are paid less, looked at as less than we are, and ignored and abused. Enough is Enough. Times up. Me Too. All valid, all true, all worthy of opening your mind to hear the stories from the women who were afraid, brushed off, or much worse.

I was raped by my now ex-husband on February 10, 2009. He’s not in jail. I had a case, he had some dirty tricks. In our court document for our divorce (which I pushed through in 6 months), the judge asked about the rape charge. His lawyers response said it all, “my client neither admits to nor denies the charge of rape.” Those words are still like poison to me. I was assaulted by the TSA agent almost 9 years later. You never fully heal. You never fully feel safe. You don’t trust much. You have severe panic and anxiety. You get quick to anger when you feel unsafe. You speak out more, once the rage fades a bit. YOU ARE NOT THE SAME – EVER.

I will say this:

This Warrior is WOKE and I won’t rest until  get justice for myself and the many unheard survivors of sexual assault and rape. Hell No, Not Today Satan. Getting out a  severely abusive relationship with a violent alcoholic, I feel it is my duty now to be the large voice I know I can be.

I was profiled at the airport.  I’m almost always profiled at the airport. No one really believed me. I would go to airports in catsuits with camel toe and my breasts almost out to prove I am not looking to harm people. Now I try to let my tattoos show, and I get friendlier faces when I do that. I see many people stiffen in airports when I walk in. I had another incident at Dane County Airport where the airport employee wouldn’t let me walk to the counter to speak to the airline. She closed the rope and I was pushed toward the kiosk. Five minutes later two tall white men walked in and she opened the rope for them, the same rope she closed when I tried to walk through.

I am of Middle Eastern, Southern Italian and Greek descent. I look Mediterranean. Olive skin, almond shaped hazel eyes. Below is my DNA. When I first got this back, I was so happy because my looks finally made sense. I come from the birth of civilization, democracy and Renaissance Art. This is me.

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Here’s my statement, its been corroborated, because “my truth is there.

Thank you for your help so far. Below is my account of the incident.

On February 4, 2018, I was traveling home to NY from Orlando, by way of Sanford Airport. We entered the airport around 1:30 pm and between 1:45 and 2:30 we were going through security, the first row, by the glass. I had set out all my toiletries and shoes, etc. in the bins and i waited my turn to go through the machine. I was told I had something in my pocket, but I had no pockets. I was wearing black yoga pants and a grey sweatshirt, black sneakers. I was asked to go to a private screening room but I refused. I have often been profiled being Middle Eastern and Greek/Southern Italian.

There was a female agent who pointed to a screen, depicting a body outline with a yellow square shaped (what looked like a sticker) mark close to my pelvic area.

After refusing the private search, I was waiting for at least 2 more agents to come over and to spread my arms for the typical pat down. The female agent, short hair, thick dark glasses was looking at my pelvic area, not waiting for anyone else (a male agent had his back turned, I believe) she put her hands on my vagina and pushed her right thumb into my left labia. I was in shock and also afraid to say anything because I wanted to get home without incident.

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My fear, looking like I do, was that I would have been in TSA holding for hours with no contact to help me sort this out.

After deplaning and beginning to drive home I had a panic attack. My PTSD for a rape 9 years ago (February 10, 2009) kicked in and I was unable to drive myself home.

Never The Less, She Persisted.

Here’s my News Channel 12 Westchester interview. Turn to Tara

http://westchester.news12.com/story/37570847/turn-to-tara-claims-of-traumatic-airport-security-screening

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advice · Mind Body Spirit · progressive · Wellness

Assault of the Body Mind and Spirit

As a woman of small stature, men thought I was an easy target, and labeled me a “giant bitch” for not allowing them to place their nasty hands wherever they would like. It put me on guard 24/7 as I tried to live a normal teenage/20 something life.

In my Catholic High School in the 90’s, girls were given detention if a teacher or administrator thought our skirts were too short, we didn’t have a choice but to wear skirts. We would wear shorts under our skirts, because it was known that the boys would stand under the fire stairs and look up. To me that was degrading, but sadly, it was a reality and no one told the boys to stop. We as young women, did what we had to do to feel comfortable. This was the high school patriarchy. I hated it. To this day, I still look for shorts, or even wear yoga pants under my skirts and dresses because I feel insecure.

We need to stop dress coding and shaming girls about their clothing choices, as we were shamed. Teaching them they are distractions, telling them that they are not as important as the boys, and should be told what to do. This is teaching a new generation to buy into Rape Culture, as we were taught to buy into it.

We are taught that “boys like us” if they are mean to us. This is a lie, a boy who is being mean to you is simply being mean. Stand up to him and move on, he does not now, nor will he ever “like” you. He thinks you are an easy target. Prove him wrong.

We are taught to ridicule women who speak out against an attack. We are taught not to be one of ‘Those Women”. We are taught to be silent. Choosing to break free of that stigma, we are then called liars. We simply cannot win.

Here’s the deal, men will cat call, and grope no matter what you wear or where you are. Walk down any street alone, at any time and see. This doesn’t mean we women should censor ourselves to make these men comfortable, this means we need to take back our power and shut this behavior down. It’s high time that young boys are taught to be gentlemen, rather than teaching young women their bodies are distracting, and are the cause of young & old men being dirty little assholes. Rape Culture at it’s finest.

In College I was in a theater major, and wanted so badly to be cast in one of the school’s shows. For my first year of college I attended a women’s university. Maybe I felt safe there, because high school was all about what I was doing wrong to make the boys look; even though I was actively dating another student for two years. This was the height of the Grunge Era, and my clothing  choices consisted of long sleeved tees covered by a plaid shirt, or old sweater, hardly “distracting clothing.”

I finally got cast in a show. I was playing a 13 or 14 year old girl, who’s father began abusing her the day of her birthday party. My character was still the innocent happy-go-lucky kid who felt she was becoming a woman. The second part of the show, was the adult version of my character who was so messed up from the abuse, she married a man with no arms or legs, who couldn’t hurt her. Pretty heavy for college. The entire show gave me chills, but I wanted to act, so I played this part. The costume designer even managed to make my very small chest look huge, which I though was odd for an 18 year old playing a 14 year old, and a two part play about abuse, but the director loved it. Here’s why:

We needed props, and one prop was a bed. My dorm had spare bed frames, so myself, the director and the set designer went to get the frame out of storage. While in the elevator, the director of the show grabbed me by my shoulders and pushed me toward the back of the elevator, pushing my hips into the metal chair rail, causing a bruise saying, “great, now we can ravage Roseanne.” Yes this happened. Yes I felt all sorts of disgust, fear and shame. Yes I reported it. Yes the set designer saw it and corroborated my story, but no one believed him, because he was gay; really, that’s how that went down. I was pushed to do the show.  I can remember a lot about that performance, but nothing stands in my memory like that green painted metal bed frame. Twenty three years later, it’s still clear as day. I left the school after that first year.

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My ex husband physically & sexually assaulted me many times, before taking it to the level where I needed a restraining order. I endured years of abuse, in silence. During our divorce, more than anything he wanted that restraining order dropped. I refused. I took his only source of power away, he hated me more. At the hearing his lawyer said the only words that the judge took seriously from his side, “My client neither admits to, nor denies the charge of rape.” My restraining order stood in place for 18 months. That didn’t stop him from sending his friends out to follow me, but it gave me enough space that I could truly break free. Never back down about your personal safety, it could be the difference between life and death.

There were so many people who did not believe me about the attack. Questioning me with more uncertainty than the Police. Rumors were even spread around that my rape kit came back negative, as if cotton swabs and gauze can determine the difference between consensual or forced sex. I had to take a lot of medication including Plan B and Anti HIV medications, plus get a shot in the rear with the thickest needle and the strongest antibiotics that turn urine brown. I can get into details about the rape itself, but I’ll spare you from what still gives nightmares almost 9 years later.

For those who say, it’s in the past, it doesn’t count, but you claim to be of a certain religion, let me explain how the past determines everything from the Biblical Point of View:

We are all supposedly born with “original sin”. So we are Baptized into our Churches, knowing that everything we do in our lives, from that moment forward takes us to Heaven or Hell when we die. Every Action, from the moment you are accepted into your church. So Kavenaugh’s actions do count, religiously and politically. So do many of our other leaders’ actions. If you truly believe this, you would know how many broken Commandments, and how many of the Seven Deadly Sins are running through our government right now.

There are a lot of confused people out there who claim rape victims are making rape political, forgetting its actually a crime. When you listen to a woman, standing strong in truth and coming forward to do the right thing by our Country, with a clean record and see a liar, it’s a problem. When you look at men who are angry, and live lies daily and see solid, strong, truthful men, you are just identifying with what they call “power”. Lies are still lies, even with Eyes Wide Shut.

Times are changing, and you cannot hold on to the “old ways” so much you will fight good, honest people, and support monsters. There is something very fundamentally wrong with “American Values” because these aren’t values, they are discrimination’s and marginalization’s by white cisgender males, who’s choices coincide with who pays them the most.

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I will help end Rape Culture and this nightmare. Ending your support of this current administration is not only the best way to tell the people in your life who may be coming forward as a victim that ethics, morals and love mean more to you than Party. It’s also a great way to help ensure all of our young ladies are able to grow up without fear of attack.